A Mail Order Bride Surprise

This is a humor response I wrote to a recent Scribbler’s Ink Writing Prompt. They offer daily prompts to help you exercise your writing skills. If you are interested search for the group on Facebook. Tell Bobbie I sent you. That and sixty-five cents will get you a cold drink. It is the prompt for July 11th of 2013.

scribblers

++++++++++++++

You have ordered a mail order bride who is about to arrive within the hour…

“I will bet you five thousand dollars she doesn’t look like this picture!” his mother said, stabbing her finger at the photo on the screen.

“Oh Trudy you are such a Negative Nelly!” said her sister Marge.

“Yes Gertrude, you always want to pee on everyone’s parade,” her older sister Alice crowed.

“DO NOT call me Gertrude!”

“It’s your name,” Alice said.

“Please, please just stop with this bickering,” Louie said. He was expecting to meet the woman of his dreams in less than sixty minutes. He could hardly believe this was really going to happen. He had been a bachelor for thirty nine years. He had kissed his share of frogs looking for a princess. But it wasn’t until he found the Brides for You website that he located Natalia Bruseska, the long legged blonde from the Ukraine.

Now he was standing in his mother’s living room with her two sisters awaiting the arrival of his new bride. She was coming here because his apartment was not ready yet. As soon as he got the confirmation he began a massive redecorating project to make his apartment resemble what Natalia described as her dream home. It was nearly done, but he wanted to be sure it was perfect. So dealing with his mother and spinster aunts was his only resort.

“I am sure she will be lovely,” Marge said, patting him stiffly on his hand.

“Thanks Aunt Marge,” Louie smiled.

“Don’t set him up for failure,” Trudy barked.

“You know, for a mother you sure stink at parenting!” Alice shot at her.

“Like you would know,” Trudy shot back.

“What I do know is why you are still single,” Trudy said.

“I wonder if I should just meet her at the station,” Louie said staring at his watch.

“She expects you to be here,” Alice replied. “Don’t go changing your plan this late; she will feel you aren’t trustworthy.”

“But wouldn’t it be romantic if she saw him there with a bouquet of flowers?” Marge said entwining her fingers and twisting as if she was some schoolgirl.

“Oh for Pete’s sake!” Trudy exclaimed.

All of them grew silent as they heard the sounds of a car approach. Marge shuffled over to the window to look, breathlessly announcing “She’s here! She’s here!”

Louie took in several shallow breaths as he felt his heart pound in his chest. This was the moment he dreamed of for almost twenty years. He checked himself for the umpteenth time in the mirror. He wished he had gotten a better haircut. For eighty-six dollars he felt like he should look sharper.

The ancient doorbell chimed from a short push by the woman of his dreams. All that stood between them now was the white steel entry door.

“Answer the door!” Trudy said.

“You want me to?” Marge said, walking that way.

“No!” Alice announced. “It is Louie’s bride, not ours!”

Louie stood square to the door, took in a deep breath and twisted the handle. When he opened the door he was sure he heard angels singing. Standing before him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. She was even more attractive than all the pictures online.

“You are Louie, yes?” she asked.

“Yes . . . I am!”

“Me, I am Natalia,” she said haltingly, like he might not understand if she talked any faster.

“Yes you are,” he said taking in her beauty.

“I can come in?” she asked.

“Oh yes . . . sorry, forgive my manners. Please come in,” Louie said.

Natalia walked in the door, but stopped when she sees three women in the room.

“What is this? You have Harem?”

“What . . . no!” Louie replied.

“I come to America for to be bride, not concubine!”

“No Natalia, you don’t understand!”

“I understand. You rich American man, want many brides. Use them up like these, get new, young one to satisfy you. Not me bucko! I leave now!”

With that she spun on her heel and marched out the door.

Louie stood dumbfounded as she stomped out to the corner to hail another cab.

“Wow,” Alice said. “I did not see that coming!”

“Well, I was wrong,” Trudy said. “She was absolutely gorgeous!”

“Mother,” Louie said.

“Yes darling?”

“Shut the hell up!”

+++++++++++

I would like to get some feedback on this story. I do not post a lot of fiction on here, but I liked this one and wanted to share.

Advertisements

About Joe Owens

Can you tell from my writing I love God? I hope so because that is what I want you to know most about me. I am also a writer who loves taking on fiction prompts and crafting a story. One day you will read my work in print. Until then enjoy it here! For free!
This entry was posted in Fiction, Humor, Scribbler's Writing Prompt and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to A Mail Order Bride Surprise

  1. MissTiffany says:

    I laughed out loud. That was funny! The only thing I can see is would a woman from the Ukraine think Louie had a harem?

    • Joe Owens says:

      I don’t know MT. It just came to me when i wrote the piece. Perhaps not, but it just seemed a fun y twist.

      • MissTiffany says:

        Oh I enjoyed it – I didn’t think it took away from the story at all. The only way I could think to improve it was possibly changing her nationality to match her conceptions. I thought it was great.

  2. timkeen40 says:

    I love the irony. Well written.

    Tim

So you took time to read what I wrote and I appreciate it, but comments are even better!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s