Copyright David Stewart
There is fiction afoot! The roving band of fiction lovers known as the Friday Fictioneers returns for another curtain call. We love the chase of writing about scenes from around the world. This week’s prompt is based on a statue from Korea, supplied by David Stewart. I hesitated for a moment with this prompt, but decided to follow on the prompt from last week, Coming Home, which I chose to be about a returning veteran. I encourage you to re-read that post if this one makes no sense.
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Genre: Realistic Fiction
No one knows how it is to be a vet.
Even when home pieces of you remain away. Part of me is behind in Korea where I served before Afghanistan. I remember this sculpture of a man alone. It is kind of how I feel now. I got off the plane last week and re-inserted myself with my family, yet I am still alone.
Just like I was when the Humvee exploded. At least in Korea I had Su Lee. She was the best thing about my two years in the country. If only she could come to the states.
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“Re-inserted myself with my family.” That seemed so true to me–slotting yourself back into a place where you used to fit but no longer do, at least not in the same ways and same roles. The idea of leaving pieces behind where you served is also a well-chosen image.
I’m not so keen on the opening sentence, although it might be written that way because that’s how he felt. What about all the other vets he knows? They would know. “No one who hasn’t served knows what it’s like to be a vet.” “Most people don’t know what it’s like to be a vet.” I only suggest that from my side of the story. You may have had something else in mind, such as his own feelings.
janet
I think ‘no one knows’ is usually a figure of speech.
The piece does feel lonely.
speaks of loneliness..moving
That is how I feel: I won’t be completely at home anywhere and when I finally move back, part of me will stay here.
A real sense of isolation and detachment came through. Nicely done.
I took your first line as an inner thought of your character. I think that we can imagine what it’s like to be a vet as well as we can imagine what it’s like to be any other character we write about. The object is to portray the feelings in 100 words. Mission accomplished.
The voice sounds like it belongs to someone who’s been castoff – very sad and nicely done. I really like the sentence, “I got off the plane last week and re-inserted myself with my family, yet I am still alone.”
in fiction we writers use voices that aren’t our own. we have to. I believe it’s the only way we who our characters are and what they are capable of doing. I have been a five year old girl, and an eighty year old man. I have hijacked a car and run bootleg whiskey through the mountains of West Virginia. Write on Joe, your story has merit. Your character has life.
Dear Joe,
A lot has been said already so I’ll simply say that I enjoyed your story. Your vet seems pretty well adjusted, all things considered. Nice one.
shalom,
Rochelle
very sad. very moving. great job on this extremely difficult prompt
I love this line,”Even when home pieces of you remain away.” It can be interpreted metaphorically and litrelly, and it is sad and deep both ways. Good one.
Moving and touching. but this is how it can end up sometimes. In limbo between despair and joy ther is nothingness,
in this line: “Even when home pieces of you remain away.” think about a comma after “home.” it gives a necessary pause to help stress the moment. loved the word choice of “reinserted.” it shows distance, and it had a military feel instead of a “home, family” feel. well done.
Thanks Rich, i will.
Nicely done, Joe. So many veterans have agonized over just this experience. I, too, applaud your use of the word “reinserted.” And the longing for Su Lee because she can understand some thing in a unique way adds an extra touch.
So moving and touching. Could really feel his emotions and loneliness. Great take on the prompt.